How To Give Yoni Massage- How Receiving Yoni Massage can help you Create Better Boundaries throughout your Life
Have you been thinking about receiving a yoni massage, but you are afraid about whether a man who is a stranger will respect your boundaries? This is a perfectly understandable and common fear, especially amongst women. Yoni massage therapy practitioners receive comprehensive yoni massage therapy training.
The truth is, for most women, good, strong boundaries are a foreign concept. Many of us were raised without the concept of boundaries. We were expected to be okay with it when a stranger would touch us as a child. Many have a particular memory of an old man touching our hair or our body, wanting him to stop, but choosing to endure it instead, so as not to “make people uncomfortable.”
Many of us were actually conditioned to accept our own sense of physical discomfort for the sake of someone else’s comfort. It was in scenarios similar to this in which we learned – “someone else’s comfort and feelings are more important than my comfort or feelings.”
As a result of this, many of us have navigated our lives continuously participating in situations and dynamics in which we are self-sacrificing – we prioritize the needs, feelings, and desires of others, over our own.
For many women, the idea that we get to determine what happens to our bodies is foreign. So many of us have grown up believing that our body is in service to the other. This idea is reinforced in the media, which uses our bodies and sexual appeal to sell consumer products. It is also reinforced through the pornography industry, in which women’s bodies are often treated as merely sexual objects – the common theme is that women are just holes to be penetrated.
This self-sacrificing martyrdom plays itself out throughout our lives and relationships – women are often working themselves ragged, taking on far too much responsibility, have difficulty saying no, and are addicted to serving others without first filling their own cup.
And for many women, this martyrdom plays out in the bedroom, with her acting out the belief that she must sexually perform for and please her man, or she is somehow not good enough as a partner. Many women approach sex in their relationship like a chore, because it always seems to be about his pleasure, and she never receives much pleasure of her own.
The fear of being used in this way causes many women to retreat entirely from their sexual expression. Especially if a woman has personally experienced a sexual dynamic in which she was used for a man’s pleasure, but received none of her own, she may decide that her sexual expression is just not worth engaging with. This can be how the sex lives in some marriages run dry.
Some women lean so far into seeking love and validation from men that they freely give their bodies to whomever wants to be with her, just so she can feel useful and loved in that moment she is allowing him to use her body for his own pleasure. These women simply have never had a sexual experience that was solely for her pleasure. The concept of sexual interaction that is truly pleasurable, to these women, doesn’t really exist.
These women hold beliefs like “Men just want to take from me.” Or “Men only want me if I’m sexy.” These women mold themselves to be pleasing to men, give themselves to these men, then resent them when they are not able to reflect their true value back to them. It is a vicious cycle of love and validation seeking, followed by continual bitterness and resentment when that love ultimately feels empty.
So what does all of this have to with Yoni Massage? Well, since how we do things in one area of our life affects how we do things in other areas of our lives, learning to identify and express good boundaries while receiving a yoni massage can affect how well we identify and express boundaries elsewhere in our life. Yoni massage is a focused opportunity to practice a skill that we all need in every area of our lives. Yoni massage therapy training can be a good way to practice boundary setting.
Curious about How To Give Yoni Massage?
So how do we identify a boundary? To identify a boundary, we simply need to feel into our bodies when considering certain scenarios, so that we can key into our level of physical desire. Desire is a physical sensation, and when it is present, we know that we have an authentic desire to experience something. When the sensation of desire is not there, we know that there is some reason why we do not hold that desire.
Identifying a boundary is simply checking in with your body around what you would and would not be okay with experiencing. For many, the idea of stopping to do this intentionally, to gain clarity around what we do and do not desire to experience throughout all of our lives is not something we are used to doing, or possibly is something we have never done before.
Most of us live our lives in reactivity, putting our body through a lot of experiences it didn’t need to go through if we had taken the time to determine if we truly had desire in our bodies, or if we had sat down to determine what experiences were desirable and which were not.
In our sex lives, especially as women, we are not taught to consider what our boundaries are, physically or emotionally. For many women, sitting down to think about the kind of touch we desire, or the places we would like to receive attention, or the feelings we would like to experience during sexual contact is something never considered.
This is why yoni massage can be such a transformative experience when it comes to setting boundaries. When you are considering receiving a yoni massage, you have many choices available to you. There is essentially a menu of options, a list of experiences trying to give you ideas of what you would enjoy, so that the yoni massage practitioner knows what you know you would enjoy, and also what you know you would not enjoy.
Prior to a yoni massage is an opportunity to connect with your body, and feel into your level of authentic desire when it comes to each experience. Would you like to undress yourself, or to receive help getting undressed? Would you enjoy a relaxing full body massage? Where do you most want to be touched? Would you like to have your breasts caressed and massaged? Do you want to receive the massage with your panties on, so you can be teased around them?
Do you want to have your clitoris played with, and how? Do you want to give the yoni massage therapist permission to experiment with different forms of touch? Do you want your yoni to be penetrated? Do you want your anus to be touched or teased? Do you want to experience a deep and intense orgasm?
As you feel into each of these experiences, notice that the sense of desire is mainly in your sex, but it also courses throughout the rest of your body. Notice when you feel a distinct lack of desire, and honor that feeling fully. Ask yourself why that lack of desire is there. Is it something you truly do not desire, or is it something you are shutting down due to fear? Perhaps it is something you do truly desire, but need to work towards as you build your relationship to receiving what you truly desire.
A yoni massage practitioner is trained to deeply respect your desires and boundaries, as yoni massage is meant to be a completely safe and healing experience. Crossing a known boundary is the last thing any yoni massage practitioner would want to do, because they know that causing you any discomfort or stress denies you of the pleasure you are there to experience.
A yoni practitioner is eager to know what you are and are not okay with so that they can provide you a pleasurable experience within the guidelines you have put in place. With the boundaries in place, your job is to simply relax and receive pleasure, and when you are able to fully trust those boundaries, you can relax more fully, and actually have a chance to access a much deeper pleasure experience.
This experience of allowing yourself to fully receive pleasure within the boundaries of your own making can be SO healing for a woman. As well as intensely empowering in other areas of her life. Once this skill of going within and gauging her own sense of desire is in place, a woman becomes unstoppable in setting boundaries in other areas of her life, as well.
There is no need to ever put ourselves through an experience we do not desire. When we decide what we are and are not available for, we get to have an elevated experience in life. For many women, this looks like receiving SO much more pleasure, and no longer becoming so easily depleted or drained. No more martyrdom, as women fueled by pleasure have so much more to give, anyway.
Yoni massage can completely transform the relationship you have to boundaries. Learn a healthy way to identify and express what you desire, and watch as the affects ripple throughout your life.
Read more about what I teach men to do in the Best She’s Ever Had Course
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